“You can search throughout the entire universe for someone who is more deserving of your love and affection than you are yourself, and that person is not to be found anywhere. You yourself, as much as anybody in the entire universe deserve your love and affection.” –The Buddha.

It is the Law of the Universe. And it is all about Physics. You give in order to receive it. And vice versa. As human beings – our lives are an endless quest for Love. Finding Love. Keeping it. Preventing it from going out of our lives. All that can be a breeze and manifest itself in our lives – if we manage to do the one thing that we are not so good at. And that is the art of loving our self.

People all around us subconsciously pick up our vibrations and our energy. And react to us accordingly. And so, if we are constantly hard on ourselves, judging and finding ourselves always not quite making the cut – they will sense that vibe and treat us accordingly which has the potential to send our lives into an endless spiral of lacking self-worth, feeling unloved – as one could end up feeling negative about everything and everyone.

I believe everything in my life begins and ends with me and what I must do – because that is what I can control. No matter what the challenge – it is only when I work on myself that I am able to find the ability to deal with any situation in my life – not just from a mental and emotional perspective – but also the ability to take wise and suitable action.

As it is in the case of love and relationships in my life.

Noted author Oscar Wilde once said, “ To love oneself is the beginning of a lifelong romance.” For me – self-love and its practice are an ongoing process where I grow and evolve every single day – learning new things about myself and my life.

Initially – I felt that focusing on myself – was about being selfish and that I was neglecting my duties at home and at work. But then I was told that this is an investment in myself so that I can give more and a better version of myself to all that matters in my life.

That if I did not take care and be mindful of what I needed as a person – I would end up getting burnt out and would not be able to do anything at all – thus defeating the entire purpose of why am I here in the first place.

So, with a bit of help from supportive friends and some research – I began to follow specific actions and practices that would make me feel loved. I am sharing these below and I hope these will help you find self-love.

Centre Yourself

Every morning or night – depending upon what suits you – set aside your very own “me time. “When nothing or no one is allowed to intrude. Focus on your thoughts. What you are feeling. Talk to yourself about what you are doing or what do you want to do. Make plans.

Think about the future. Set concrete goals. And attach a time frame to those. Figure out steps towards making those goals happen and break them down into smaller goals.

Meditate. Or chant. Or just simply relax and be. The idea is for you to give yourself this uninterrupted time so that you can deal with everything else that follows before or after. Add-on’s like a quiet room, your favorite music and a brew of your choice can be absolutely brilliant.

Every morning – I practice my daily meditation, and do my morning ‘havan‘– this is part of my early morning “me time “helps me cope with a long commute, a busy workspace and my family’s needs every single day.

Invest in your Health

It’s only when one is physically capable that everything else can happen. Being physically strong is also inextricably linked with mental and emotional strength. Invest in a physical fitness routine and stick to it. It pays rich dividends later on in life.

Given today’s incredibly polluted environment – it is also necessary to be mindful of what one eats and where does it come from. Over the years – my yoga routine keeps me alert and energetic. I have turned vegetarian and try to buy raw food from organic sources and am working to do away with processed foods from our lives.

Express your Gratitude

It is now proven that having an attitude of gratitude towards everything in life – no matter if it is good or bad – gives us the ability to stay positive and attract more good fortune. More than the attitude – I find that writing a gratitude journal is a great way to actualize what one is feeling.

A friend of mine has a Gratitude Jar – in which she puts in all that she is grateful for after writing out on little slips of paper. Every few months or at the end of the year – the jar is opened up and turned upside down and each and every reason for that feeling of gratitude is re-affirmed!

Learn how to Give & Receive

Give tangible things and experiences to yourself. It could be a book you want to read. Or a half-day at the spa. Or a holiday by yourself. And if you are being offered something by anyone – accept it with gratitude. Be it a compliment or a promotion! I find that we all are mostly so reluctant to accept that we end up turning things away from us and that defeats the purpose of self-love.

Getting professional help to make all of these things happen is a great investment in practicing self-love. It’s because you are telling the Universe that you mean business! Investing in a life coach, a fitness trainer, a diet counselor or anything else that works for you could be your best investment yet!

Be Kind to Yourself

We all have the potential to be the best version of ourselves. But we mostly think that we aren’t good enough or are incapable of being that person. But there is one thing that I have learned – only when I believe in myself and in limitless possibilities that I can achieve my highest potential.

And so clearly articulated goals – along with positive and strong affirmations are my secret sauce – as they help me push myself to become and achieve even more than what I already have.

Do what makes you happy!

If I am happy, I can make others happy. When I spend time with my siblings, my children, learning a new skill, working for a cause and sharing my knowledge – that’s when I am at my happiest. All you need to do is make your own list of what gives you happiness and follow that to the letter!

Accept that you’re not perfect!

It’s not necessary to stress oneself out and be perfect about everything, all the time. More often than not – all that represents perfection for us – is mostly not even noticed. Think about it – is it worth going through all that effort then? Someone who we all know once said – “ Done is better than perfect.” And I agree with him!

Avoid those who don’t make you Happy!

For everything or everyone that’s positive in our lives – there are many more that are just the opposite. Negative things, spaces, incidents, and people whose points of view and attitudes don’t match ours – tend to drain us of energy and peace of mind.

I prefer to maintain a respectful distance from all such negative energies. Even if I have to deal with them – I summon up all my reserves of faith, positivity and use that part of me to overcome the negativity. This is possible because I know my worth as a human being and have faith in my ability to overcome these challenges.

To sum up – I believe Self-Love is both an art and a science. It is much more than its external manifestation of saying what you want, doing what you want to do, et.al.

Life coach and therapist Chitra Jha sum it u beautifully when she says – “Self-Love is about ACCEPTANCE of SELF in ALL its hues, in all its forms, and in all its nuances. It is about using the Human Gifts of self-awareness, imagination, conscience and will power to achieve our highest human potential.

Self-Love is all there is to life.”